No effing way It’s Wednesday. There are 391 days until the midterm elections. BS Bondi’s telling silence, Little Johnson’s games and Comey gets arraigned. Adam Parkhomenko and Sam Youngman Oct 8 Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But it never shot a priest in the face with tear gas. The Alt Media with Adam Parkhomenko and Sam Youngman is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Note: Sexy Patriots! We’ve got a real treat for you today. The beauty and tragedy of following the news closely during the Trump years is you can still manage to miss a lot of really, really dumb shit. And one of the things we missed was this thing Trump said about being good so he can get into Heaven… Aaron Rupar @atrupar.com Trump: "I want to be good because you want to prove to God so you go to that next step, right? So that's very important to me." Mon, 06 Oct 2025 20:59:28 GMT View on Bluesky Ummm he’s been talking about this a lot lately. Or maybe it’s The Bruise talking. Regardless, we went straight to the source to see if Trump should be worried about his chances of getting into Heaven. Here now is an exclusive interview with our dear friend, God… Us: Hey God! God: Hey boys! Loving the newsletter! Aren’t you glad to be using your me-given powers of cussing for good and not evil? Us: Yes ma’am! So is Trump getting into Heaven? God: Fuck no! Us: LOL! Oh so that didn’t seem like a hard question. God: How could it be Heaven if he was here? I’d have to change the name to like Cankles Fart Dump Shitsville or something. Us: Good point, God. Well thanks for clearing that up. God: No problem, boys. Stay sexy. Well there you have it. It’s always such a treat when she swings by to chat. We really appreciate her candor. And the way she uses the f-word. Y’all have a blessed day. Note two: Who needs some therapy? Yeah, us too. So join us today at 4:30 ET/1:30 PT where we’ll talk it out. You can find us here on the substack app or live on twitter/facebook/youtube/instagram Note three: One of the reasons we need therapy is Dolly Parton’s sister. Seriously, please don’t scare the shit out of us like this. We just can’t take it right now. More: HuffPost Note four: You might not be feeling very proud to be an American these days, but we bet that will change when you hear that Herschel Walker was confirmed to be ambassador to the Bahamas. No? Still pretty fucking ashamed? Yeah, we get that. More: NBC News Note five: You know how we know we’re on the good side? Because our side isn’t shooting fucking priests in the fucking face. The Tennessee Holler @thetnholler.bsky.social WATCH: Trump’s lawless Ice goons shoot an unarmed priest in the head with a pepper ball. Completely out of control. Wed, 08 Oct 2025 11:23:32 GMT View on Bluesky Note six: We’re gonna go out on a limb and say that yesterday was not a proud day for Canadians. Mark Carney is clearly trying to play nice with the guy who keeps insulting and threatening his country, and it’s not a good look. More: HuffPost Note seven: We didn’t realize there was a corrupt flunkie behind Trump’s sharpiegate. We also didn’t realize that flunky is now running NOAA. So yeah we’re fucked. Good luck, Florida! More: NBC News Note eight: Kristi Noem is big mad about Zach Bryan’s new anti-ICE country song. That has made us like it even more. More: Mediaite Note nine: We’re actually not kidding. Here’s some of the song, and we can’t believe we’re saying this but it’s kinda…. Good. Hoodlum 🇺🇸 @nothoodlum.bsky.social Here’s a clip of the Zach Bryan song that has MAGA furious. Tue, 07 Oct 2025 14:00:00 GMT View on Bluesky Note 10: We’re gonna warn you this is a very hard story to read. It’s about the children that Elon and Trump are starving to death. We hope they both enjoy hell. More: Associated Press Note 11: We’re not the first to point it out, but thank you to the local journalists on the ground in Chicago (and Portland) for spreading the truth about their cities. It really should be a bigger deal that the president of the United States is lying about this shit. More: Southside Weekly Note 12: A lot of people are piling on Katie Porter for this interview, and we get it. We’re not the hugest Porter fans, but this is some bullshit questioning and we actually want to see more Democrats pushing back against this stuff. Asking repeatedly how to win Trump voters in California is a joke. More: Yahoo News Note 13: Here’s Kristi Noem again. She’s leading a prayer with her extramarital asshead. These people sure are full of shit, ain’t they? PatriotTakes 🇺🇸 @patriottakes.bsky.social Kristi Noem praying before sending her secret, masked goons out to harass the people of Portland Wed, 08 Oct 2025 00:16:46 GMT View on Bluesky Note 14: A broken and corrupt Supreme Court is going to legalize torturing gay kids, even in blue states. They are some truly sick fucks. More: HuffPost Note 15: Whoa!!! Senate Democratic candidates are putting up some really big fundraising numbers. Roy Cooper set a record with almost $15 million in a quarter, and Jon Ossoff just reported $12 million. It’s almost like people really, really want change. More: AJC, The Hill Note 16: So this is a shocking thing to write, but you have to check out this video from Schumer. Yeah, we know. We can’t believe it either, but this is really good. Chuck Schumer @schumer.senate.gov The government is shut down because Trump and the Republicans are hellbent on taking health care away from you. And they won’t even come to the table to talk to us about it. This is not about politics. It's about people. Let’s break it down: Tue, 07 Oct 2025 23:46:17 GMT View on Bluesky Note 17: Cheryl Hines is talking shit about the Kennedy family. And they’re not even the ones cheating on her and trying to kill children. Fuck Cheryl Hines. More: The Hill Note 18: Goddamnit, Portland. Y’all are just too lovable! Resist, baby!!! Carl Quintanilla @carlquintanilla.bsky.social #WarRavagedPortland Wed, 08 Oct 2025 11:23:14 GMT View on Bluesky Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we’re taking you up to Fairbanks, Alaska, where last night a Democrat defeated the Republican mayor. Apparently the Republican mayor was a real asshole, so we’re happy he lost. Thank you, Fairbanks!!! (And thank you to Bolts Mag’s Daniel Nichanian for pointing this out.) More: Alaska News Source Note 20: And on that winning note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a good week and have an excellent hump day. Except Trump. He can eat shit. Love y’all! Note 21: Here’s a bonus Happy Ending of VP Harris talking like she reads our newsletter. Welcome to the party, ma’am. 🍁🇨🇦Team Canada Forever🇨🇦🍁 @teamcanadaforever.bsky.social Kamala Harris: “These Motherfuckers Are CRAZY” 😂💀 Wed, 08 Oct 2025 02:28:54 GMT View on Bluesky Bullshit Bondi Well that was a damn disgrace. Yesterday AG Pam Bondi testified in front of a Senate panel, and she made a mockery of the whole damn thing. But worse, she had to scream and make a scene because she couldn’t answer questions about Trump being photographed with half-naked girls or Tom Homan taking bags of cash. Instead she attacked and insulted every Democratic member of the committee while chairman Chuck Grassley spread lies about Jan. 6. It’s good to know that Republican senators will be fine being treated like this by the next Democratic AG who better fucking not be Merrick Garland. More: CNBC, New Republic Flip-flopping Little Johnson Mike Little Johnson is not handling losing this shutdown very well. And he is REALLY having a hard time lying about why he is refusing to swear in Democratic Rep.-elect Adelita Grijalva. As y’all know, Grijalva is the magic 218th vote to force a vote to release the Epstein files, and Johnson has done everything he can to avoid seating her. Yesterday, when confronted with the truth about other members he has seated right away, Johnson said that Grijalva could be seated whenever she wants. Then he had his staff walk that back and say she can be sworn in when the shutdown ends. So again, the Republican Speaker of the House is covering up a notorious child sex-trafficking ring for political reasons. Sounds like a scandal to us. More: CNN This is wrong Sigh. Jim Comey is getting arranged today, so we guess we better defend this fucking asshole. Comey, the arrogant d-bag who threw the 2016 election to Trump, is being arraigned on two counts dealing with leaking information to a reporter and lying to Congress. It’s pretty obvious he didn’t do either, and we’re excited for him to get off. But man it sucks having to defend this shithead. That’s how gross this abuse of power from Trump is. Because if we could avoid defending Comey, we would. There were reports that the FBI fired an agent for refusing to handcuff and perp walk Comey, so we’ll see if there are any shenanigans today. More: NBC News, CNN Today’s clips President Donald Trump said in a post to Truth Social on Wednesday that Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson and Illinois Gov. JB Pritzker “should be in jail” in an escalation of his conflict with the two Democratic officials. More: NBC News President Donald Trump is reportedly “perplexed” by MAGA loyalist Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) for breaking ranks with both party and the president on several major issues, including Gaza and the government shutdown. More: Mediaite Two key Democratic figures this week said President Donald Trump may be suffering from dementia. More: HuffPost Pope Leo told U.S. bishops visiting him at the Vatican on Wednesday that they should firmly address how immigrants are being treated by President Donald Trump’s hardline policies, attendees said, in the latest push by the pontiff on the issue. More: HuffPost Democratic Arizona Gov. Katie Hobbs launched her reelection bid Wednesday, outlining a practical rather than confrontational approach to campaigning in a swing state where the politics are delicate and she will need Republican support. More: Associated Press Read some Sexy Testimonials from some Sexy Patriots “You guys bring some levity to this mess but are always spot on with the truth.(And I consider myself a sexy patriot)” -Tom Devereaux “You guys are the croissant to my morning coffee and after a year, it only seems right that I start paying for the nutrition you provide me with. Oh...and I love who you deem good guys and bad guys!” -Sam Quinn “because you say it as it is and more!” -Monica Salinas “Antidote to MAGA” -Michael Hamway “Your sharp, witty humor helps me manage my frustration, disappointment, anger at our country and the Dumbfuckistan people.” -Annette Sanders The Alt Media with Adam Parkhomenko and Sam Youngman is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.