Forwarded this email? Subscribe here for more Trump Enraged After RFK Jr’s Worm Endorses Harris Nov 4 Glen Carrie on Unsplash NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump was reportedly furious on Monday after the worm who inhabited Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.’s brain endorsed Vice President Kamala Harris for president. “I intended to remain impartial in this race, like my fellow worm Jeff Bezos,” the worm’s official statement read. “But threatening to put Kennedy in charge of the CDC was the last straw.” “As someone who has lived in Bobby’s brain and eaten half of it, I am terrified of his remaining half-brain being given any responsibility,” the worm continued. In a final appeal to undecided voters, the worm asserted, “As a parasite, I have always identified as a Republican, but I have decided to put country before party.” TBR Election Night Survival Kit! Alcohol: check. Gummies: check. Here are three more resources from the Borowitz Report to help keep you sane-ish during Election Night: 1. TBR Election Therapy Playlist Ethan Miller/Getty Images Hundreds of mood-enhancing tracks guaranteed to lift your spirits. Download from the Spotify link here. 2. Cookie My handsome friend Cookie is always a soothing presence. He’ll be spending Election Night with me, but I hope you’ll contemplate this photo of him if you’re feeling stressed out. 3. TBR Live Chat Because you shouldn’t have to watch alone, join me and TBR community members for our Election Night Live Chat. If you’re not already a paid subscriber, you can join the chat by upgrading your subscription for only $5. We’ll get started just before 8 PM Eastern. You can access the chat here or on the Substack app. Democracy Dies When Cowardly Billionaires Own Newspapers. Subscribe to The Borowitz Report.