You’re a paid member—thank you. This one’s open, so feel free to share it anywhere. Quick boost that really helps: ♥ + Restack + a short comment. “Yr Open Mouth Awaiting My Harvest” — RFK Jr, Olivia Nuzzi, Ryan Lizza, and the Horniest Ethics Scandal in DC RFK Jr’s sexts, Olivia Nuzzi’s “digital affair,” Ryan Lizza’s scorched‑earth Substack, and one very cursed poem called “American Canyon.” Welcome to the horniest 11th grade scandal in America Dean Blundell Nov 25 If you’re squeamish, this MIGHT not be the blog post for you. You’re welcome. If you’re here because you searched “RFK Jr sexting scandal,” “Olivia Nuzzi affair,” “Ryan Lizza Substack,” or “American Canyon poem,” congrats: you’ve hit the motherlode (no pun intended). You power this Substack, and we couldn’t be more grateful. Get unlimited access for 25% off an annual subscription for November —forever—never pay more. Founding members, as always, never pay again. Because yes, we’re talking about: Robert F. Kennedy Jr, Trump’s Secretary of Health and Human Services, allegedly sending erotic and graphicly weird poetry to Olivia Nuzzi, star political reporter and now Vanity Fair editor and upcoming author of American Canto, while she was covering his presidential campaign Exposed in a revenge‑flavored Substack series by Ryan Lizza, her ex‑fiancé and longtime DC political journalist, now running a newsletter called Telos News. And at the center of it all: a sext‑poem from Microwave Mel Gibson that allegedly starts with “Yr open mouth awaiting my harvest” and spirals into a river‑and‑canyon dominance fantasy that makes every ethics professor in America spontaneously combust. OK. Let’s walk this canyon together (with virtual hazmat suits). 1 The Sext That Broke Substack: What Ryan Lizza Says RFK Jr Wrote In his Telos News series, Lizza claims he discovered a wild, full‑blown erotic message that Kennedy allegedly sent to Nuzzi during what Lizza calls their “digital affair.” Ryan Lizza 8d 191 24 Ryan Lizza 8d 191 24 According to Lizza’s own Substack: The message reads like a sex poem Kennedy wrote for Nuzzi. It allegedly opens with the line “Yr open mouth awaiting my harvest” and then tells her to “Drink from me, Love.” Kennedy allegedly then describes squeezing her cheeks, holding her nose, and warning her not to spill a drop, before dropping the money metaphor: He’s the “river.” She’s the “canyon.” He allegedly writes that he wants to “flow through” her and “subdue and tame” her. Lizza nicknames the poem “American Canyon” — a trolling nod to Nuzzi’s upcoming memoir American Canto, which itself digs into her emotional entanglement with a politician everyone understands to be RFK Jr. I like Lizza, and this was a solid move. He did it to protect his reputation. But this is the kind of honest revenge play I try not to judge for various reasons. In fact, I appreciate it. If this sounds too insane to be real, you are not alone. But multiple outlets — including The Daily Beast, The Independent, Yahoo News, OK! Magazine, and assorted tabloids — have now quoted the same key lines, all sourced back to Lizza’s Substack. Important reality check: Kennedy has denied having an affair with Nuzzi and has not independently confirmed that he wrote the poem. Nuzzi has described the relationship as emotional but non‑physical, and insists her coverage remained accurate and unbiased. But the poem, as described, is now part of the public record — and the most horny sentence ever attached to a sitting cabinet secretary. 2. Who’s Who in the “American Canyon” Sexting Scandal Robert F. Kennedy Jr. Environmental lawyer, vaccine skeptic, 2024 presidential candidate, now Secretary of Health and Human Services in Donald Trump’s administration. Previously infamous for a supposed “sex diary” listing dozens of women (his former wife committed suicide as a result), he has disputed some of those past characterizations, but that’s the baggage he brought into this scandal. Olivia Nuzzi High‑profile political journalist: formerly New York magazine’s Washington correspondent; now West Coast editor at Vanity Fair. Admitted to a “personal,” non‑physical relationship with Kennedy while profiling him during the 2024 campaign. Suspended, then parted ways with New York after the relationship came to light—despite outside legal review finding no factual errors or demonstrable bias in her coverage. Set to publish American Canto in December 2025, a memoir that reportedly details her emotional involvement with a powerful politician clearly modeled on RFK Jr. Ryan Lizza Veteran DC reporter: formerly of The New Yorker, Politico, and CNN. Now independent with his Telos News Substack (Ryan’s SS is WELL worth your time). Engaged to Nuzzi from 2022 until their breakup in 2024. Claims he discovered Kennedy’s messages and other evidence of affairs, then turned the whole thing into a multi‑part Substack series that reads like a cross between a breakup note, an oppo file, and an HBO pilot treatment. Basically: RFK allegedly texted/sexted/Facetimed like a horny Tumblr poet, Nuzzi fell into what she calls an emotional affair (because she appears to have the impulse control of a flakey 14-year-old), and Lizza chose violence and the “publish” button. 3. From Campaign Profile to “Digital Affair” Here’s the rough timeline, pieced together from Nuzzi’s public statements, her upcoming book coverage, and Lizza’s Telos News posts: 2023: Nuzzi profiles RFK Jr. during his presidential run for New York magazine. Standard political‑journo stuff. After the profile, they stay in touch. A lot. 2023–2024: According to Nuzzi, things evolve into an intense “digital” relationship (Sexts, FT, and phone sex): texts, calls, late‑night conversations, declared feelings. She has described it as a romantic connection that never became physical. According to Lizza, it goes way beyond that: he alleges sexting, emotional obsession, and even behind‑the‑scenes help for Kennedy’s campaign—claims Nuzzi has not publicly confirmed. 2024: Lizza says he discovers the messages — including the “American Canyon” poem — and their relationship implodes. Nuzzi is suspended from New York pending an ethics review. She files for a protective order against Lizza, accusing him of harassment and hacking; he denies everything. The temporary order is later dropped at her request. New York magazine brings in outside media‑law firm Davis Wright Tremaine to comb her RFK coverage. They find no inaccuracies or demonstrable bias, but the undisclosed relationship is enough that she and the magazine “part ways.” 2025: Nuzzi lands at Vanity Fair and tees up her memoir American Canto, which fictionalizes/chronicles the RFK relationship. Lizza responds with his own content machine: a Substack series that directly names RFK Jr., reprints the alleged poem, and throws in an alleged earlier affair with former South Carolina governor Mark Sanford for good measure. So the scandal is now powered by dueling narratives: Her version: doomed emotional entanglement + career‑ending ethical lapse. His version: multi‑year pattern of getting too close to sources + a married cabinet secretary talking like a horny river god in her texts. 4. RFK Jr, the “River,” and Why This Poem Is Everywhere Let’s be honest: if Kennedy had just sent an “I miss you” text, this would be a three‑day Twitter story. The reason we’re here — the reason you’re reading a Substack post about “American Canyon” — is because the poem is radioactively weird. From what’s been published: It kicks off with the now‑infamous line about Nuzzi’s “open mouth awaiting my harvest,” followed by “Drink from me, Love.” It then shifts into an extended metaphor: Kennedy allegedly calls himself a “river” and her his “canyon,” promising to “flow through” her and “subdue and tame” her. Yeah… This isn’t just horny; it’s horny in a specifically power‑coded way. Dominance, taming, flooding, harvest — it’s like someone tried to rewrite a Cialis commercial as climate erotica. No surprise: The Daily Beast called it “vile poetry” and highlighted the power dynamics: one of the most famous political surnames in America + a much younger reporter covering his campaign. The Independent and others foregrounded the poem in headlines about RFK Jr’s “erotic poetry” and “digital affair.” Tabloids around the world ran with the harvest line because of course they did. Meanwhile, Kennedy’s wife, actress Cheryl Hines, reportedly finds the whole idea that he loved Nuzzi or wanted a child with her “hurtful” and “implausible.” So now we have: A cabinet secretary An alleged erotic poem A journalist ex‑fiancée turning it into longform content A memoir about the same relationship still on the way It’s a perfect SEO storm. 5. Olivia Nuzzi’s Side: American Canto, Brain Worms, and Regret While Lizza is over on Telos News lighting his past on fire, Nuzzi’s counter‑move is softer, more literary, and very on‑brand: a memoir. Based on reporting about American Canto: She writes about a politician who told her he loved her, gave her affectionate nicknames, and sent her poems. She describes the relationship as non‑physical but emotionally consuming, a serious mistake that violated journalistic distance and wrecked her personal life. She wrestles with the infamous “brain worm” story around RFK Jr., reportedly writing that she loved his mind and hated the idea that anything was invading it — only for a doctor later to suggest the shadow on his scans might not have been a worm at all. In other words, Nuzzi is trying to frame this as: “I fell in love with a powerful, damaged man I was supposed to cover, it was wrong, and it cost me dearly (which has happened a few times but who’s counting?” Lizza’s framing is more like: “She keeps doing this with powerful men, and here is the extremely horny prose to prove it.” Both versions agree on one thing: whatever happened between RFK Jr and Olivia Nuzzi was 11th-grade delusion on her part and a creepy, pervy old-man/power-play on his. 6. The Fallout: Jobs, Reputations, and One Very Angry Group Chat This isn’t just gossip. The RFK Jr / Olivia Nuzzi / Ryan Lizza mess has already produced some very real casualties: Nuzzi’s Career Detour Suspended and effectively pushed out of New York magazine after the RFK Jr revelations, despite a high‑priced legal review finding no factual issues in her stories. Now at Vanity Fair, but every new Lizza installment re‑ups her name in the scandal cycle just as she’s trying to launch her book. Rumors are now swirling that the latest disclosure around the Sanford affair, and these new “Canyon/Felching” poems might be too much for VF brass. (Please don’t Google felching. Please.) RFK Jr’s Public Image Instead of talking about health policy, the US Health and Human Services Secretary is now associated with the phrase “Your open mouth awaits my harvest.” That’s going in the obituary, fair or not. His camp continues to deny any affair, insisting the allegations are exaggerated or implausible — but the poem, as described by Lizza and repeated by multiple outlets, has already entered the discourse. And Lizza is no slouch when it comes to backing up his words with facts. Evidence. Screenshots. ETC. 7. What This Says About Media, Power, and Extremely Bad Sexting Strip away the drama and this RFK Jr sexting scandal is basically a perfect little case study in: If you are a 71‑year‑old man with a famous last name and a government badge, maybe skip the canyon erotica. Or at minimum, don’t send it to a reporter who is literally paid to document you.r Even if you take Nuzzi’s version at 100% face value — emotional, not physical — the line is bright red: You cannot be in a romantic/emotional entanglement with someone you cover and pretend objectivity is fine. You definitely can’t keep it a secret from your editors while writing stories about him. The fact that New York’s review found no factual errors but still cut ties with her is Journalism Ethics 101: perception of bias matters almost as much as bias itself. C. The Gender Double Standard Notice how the story’s playing: Nuzzi: “homewrecker,” “obsessed,” “groupie,” “unethical.” RFK Jr: “weird,” “cringe,” “lol this poem is insane.” Opinion shows and columnists have already flagged how much more heat the younger woman is taking compared with the older, more powerful married man. The Daily Beast+1 D. Screenshots Are the New Opposition Research Lizza’s playbook here is simple and lethal: Save everything. Wait until the other person publishes a book / gets a new job. Launch your own Substack and start dropping receipts. You don’t have to like what he’s doing to appreciate the lesson: if it’s in a text, it’s not private. Not in 2025. Not in politics. 8. So… What Do We Do With “American Canyon”? Beyond rubber‑necking at RFK Jr’s alleged erotic river bit, there are a few very practical takeaways if you’re: a journalist a political staffer a public figure or just a human with a phone and a libidoIf You Read This Far, You’re My Kind of Degenerate. Subscribe. 😈 If you want more unvarnished breakdowns like this — the messy overlap of sex, power, Substack, and politics — do the things that make newsletters live: Subscribe so you don’t miss the next scandal Share this with the one friend who always says, “Wait, what’s actually going on?” Drop a comment: Who do you think comes out of this looking worst — RFK Jr, Olivia Nuzzi, or Ryan Lizza? And if you were crisis‑PR for any of them… where on earth would you even start? Because somewhere out there, a very powerful person is about to hit “send” on a terrible sext. And when it leaks? We’ll be here (in a digital hazmat suit, with a splash guard) You power this Substack, and we couldn’t be more grateful. Get unlimited access for 25% off an annual subscription for November —forever—never pay more. Founding members, as always, never pay again. Enjoyed this? Quick ways to help: • Tap the ♥ • Leave a comment (even a quick “reading!”) • Restack to Notes • Forward to a friend who’d like it • Consider upgrading to paid to support the work —Dean