Too fun not to read:
I Was Wrong. The “Weaponization” Committee Isn’t Like Benghazi. It’s Too Stupid
By Joseph "Murfster35" Murphy - March 9, 2023
It seems like only yesterday that I wrote about Freedom caucus wingnut Gym Bag Jordan’s nonexistent management skills. Oh, wait! It was only yesterday. But 24 hours is an eternity when it means watching somebody who not only can’t run a meeting, this ass clown can’t even string two paper clips together.
Normally if someone blows off preparation for a meeting, and gets his head handed to him over it, he busts his ass to be, if anything, overprepared for the next meeting. Jim Jordan was, if anything even more unprepared and feckless today than he was the first time. And he’s getting killed for it in the reviews, and the tape clips that are showing up in the media.
For instance. Did you ever watch a college movie, where some nerd is going through a fraternity hazing, and he has to walk blindfolded in his underwear down a line while everybody gives him a wedgie and smacks his ass and the back of his head? That’s exactly what the Democrats on the panel are doing to Jordan almost every time he opens his mouth. They almost get into fistfights with each other on the dais. No! YOU got to pants him the last time, it’s MY turn now. While Jordan sits there with a deer-in-the-headlights look, not sure what to do next.
The Democrat who gets to dress in the hooded black robe with the wood paddle with the holes drilled in it seems to be freshman congressman Danny Goldman. Goldman is a helluva lawyer, and he’s a perfect foil for Jordan. Goldman is quiet, measured, well spoken, and obviously prepared, as opposed to Jordan, who is loud, abrasive, arrogant, and so far over his head you can almost hear him go Glub! At one point Goldman told Jordan that if he wanted to delve into the weaponization of the government, they should call Tubby the Ewok in to discuss his violating Michael Cohen’s 1st Amendment right by jailing him to prevent him from publishing a book. OUCH!
And today USVI congresswoman Stacey Plaskett piled on. She whacked Jordan for trying to ask questions so that the facts morphed into the answers, and not letting the answers conform to the facts. While she was playing one-woman-ping-pong with Jordan, he interrupted her, excuse me. Excuse me! I’m claiming my time now. I’m sorry? I said I’m claiming my time now. Oh, I’m sorry, is it your five minutes now? I can take my five minutes whenever I want, and I’m taking it right NOW!
Sweet. Jesus. What are you Jimbo, six? Hey you guys! It’s MY ball, and I can pitch whenever I want, and if I don’t get to pitch right now, I’m taking my ball and going home! To be honest, I prefer Jordan when he isn’t the Chair, just some asshole on the dais screaming like a madman for five minutes. Watching Jordan with the gavel is like a parent watching their child fuck up the word time in an 8th grade spelling bee.
I wrote that one of the things that even GOP insiders were frustrated with was that Jordan was trying to create the narrative, rather than let the facts create the narrative through questioning. He said, Jordan keeps shooting-from-the-lip, talking about what he wants the evidence to show, and then hopes he’s able to sledgehammer the facts into matching his suppositions. And it’s not working.
But even when he’s given fair warning, Jordan just doesn’t seem to get the memo. Jordan actually brought witnesses in to testify today, and guess what? They were exactly the kind of witnesses that the Democrats poleaxed in their 300 page report. A bunch of disgruntled former DOJ and FBI employees, who don’t even fit the criteria of whistleblower, spouting off personal grievances and Q-Anon conspiracies. And the Democrats had a field day with these misfit toys.
The truly sad part is that Jordan honestly seems to think that he’s kicking-ass-and-taking-names. And in his mind, he probably thinks he is! Remember, for Jordan and these other GOP mouth breathers, it’s all performance art. As long as the witnesses in this pathetic spectacle provide fodder for FUX News prime time, it’s all-systems-go. My parting words for Jordan would be the phrase used by the priest in Exorcist II, Jesus loves you. Everybody else thinks you’re an asshole.
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