COVID

Krystal Hopkins

“Don’t be afraid of COVID. Don’t let it dominate your life.”

**Beautiful candid photo of a day shift team member a few weeks ago**

I’ve kept fairly quiet about Covid, because frankly I don’t have the energy after working 3-4 12-hour shifts in the Covid unit since March. But never have I been more upset than what I saw last night. Seeing my patient laying in their bed for going on 50 days, with a hole in their neck so the ventilator can breath for them. Their only hope of leaving is going to a long term care facility (LTAC). This patient is watching the news last night, listening to the President tell them to not let Covid dominate their life... i don’t care about party or even who said it, no one should say something so dismissive and uncaring about the 200,000+ lives lost with this devastating virus. My team and I then spent the next hour trying to figure out what the patient was asking us since we can only read their lips. Oh and by the way they’re considered “lucky” because they didn’t die. Finally we figured out they’re concerned about going to LTAC because of the cost... this whole situation just makes me sick...

So I’m sorry but as a Covid ICU nurse I’m going to be scared of Covid. I’ve seen it kill someone young, my age. I’ve seen it kill so many of our patients. I’ve been there to intubate someone, making me be one of the last people to see them awake and alive. I’ve seen patients pass with the only comfort we can give to their family being a goodbye over zoom. I’ve done CPR in full PPE praying the doctor is running down the hall as fast as they can to join us. I’ve been scared to go home for fear of the possibility of unknowingly endangering someone I love.

It has dominated my life for months and I know that my unit has been “lucky”. So many other places have been much worse. I have proper PPE. I never had to load a body into a freezer truck. Or sit watching someone die because we didn’t have enough ventilators. But it is dominating my life and scares me just like so many other essential workers, patients, and their families. So wear your mask or don’t talk to me.

**UPDATE: the response on this has unimaginable I mostly just wanted to vent and share with my family/friends what this has been like but decided to make it public so a friend could share it. I seriously never post anything like this I hate confrontation. I feel so grateful to work with such an amazing team everyday. Thank you everyone for the positive comments there are so many doctors, nurses, techs, RTs, etc that deserve thanks right now.