Dear Republicans

 

Reprise 2022

Dear Republicans,

In my five decades on this rock, I’ve grown quite accustomed to you all being dumb as absolute fuck but since Trump, y’all have gone from being dumb as absolute fuck to being crazy as fuck too. Now straighten out your bibs and stop whining for a few minutes cause y’all need to learnt his here.

A whole bunch of y’all are outraged that we gave Ukraine $40 billion to fight Russia and I just have to ask why are y’all mad?

Remember back when we went to war with Iraq cause you all elected a dyed-in-the-wool *moron* “businessman” to be president and he didn’t know which "A-rabs" to start killing yet? Remember how y’all was all for that but now you’re all mad about $40 billion?

Okay so if we were to tally up all the money your dumbass commander in chief spent on war in Iraq and War in Afghanistan then we could have saved money by giving all the victims of 9/11 a BILLION dollars each and put a $10 billion bounty on Osama Bin Laden to get him as dead as humanly possible. Easy peasy.

Except we can’t do nothing intelligent like that because your dumb asses heard Bush say, ‘war’s good for the economy’ and thought you’d sign right on up for that. So that’s what he did and he had to lie to start a war with Sadaam which would have just been peachy if we hadn’t killed 500,000 more people who didn’t do a damn thing to us.

Now one of the lessons you should learn is that war is expensive, yup. It also sucks when we are digging graves at Arlington to drop in some of our people because you’re mad about $40 billion.

I know since Putin was so good to you all in 2016 when he donated $30 million to the NRA to help elect Trump and any of the other gunbilly fucksticks y’all vote for and naturally you want to think he’s your friend but he didn’t do that because he thinks Republicans are awesome. He did it because you all are dumb as fuck and believed Trump when he tried to tell you that Putin was our ally. Well, here’s a big newsflash you won’t see on Fox, they’re not our ally, they’re our enemy.

Now if you all had bothered to read a book instead of letting Fox shit on your brains for however long you can sit there and tune right the fuck out on everything, you might know that Putin didn’t want Hillary to be president because she wouldn’t want to cradle Putin’s balls in her hand and kiss them affectionately the way Trump did, and McConnell, and Rand Paul, and Ron Johnson, and all the other mental rejects you keep electing.

Any money we give Ukrainians to kill Russians is a pittance compared to the trillions of dollars we have spent trying to defend ourselves from Russian aggression. The Ukrainians are sinking ships, killing Russians as fast as they can get into effective artillery range and you all think this is a bad idea?

This is one of those ounce of prevention kind of deals that you all hate so much. Like we could have done COVID lockdown intelligently and another 400,000 of your fellow Americans would still be alive right now but you elected the dumbest white man this country could produce to come out and hock miracle cures like some snake-oil huckster at a tent revival crusade.

So while you all were chasing the Hydroxy and Horse dewormer bullshit, our government had to expend a lot more resources because being as dumb as fuck as you all are, you couldn’t get vaccinated because something Bill Gates something potato. I do truly hope you are offended because I am constantly offended by your stupidity.

We aren’t losing our soldiers to Putin’s aggression. He’s committing war crimes out in the open. His soldiers are raping anything they can including children. They’re summarily executing unarmed civilians and committing crimes against humanity and it’s like you all would be looking at Hitler exterminating Jews and you’d be like, ‘oh well we need to spend money on our people and not them because America first.’

That’s exactly how stupid you sound to anyone who doesn’t belong on Thorazine.

How much would we pay to sink the Russian navy? Or cripple its ability to make war? Ten million people are displaced because of your chum Putin and you want to get all pissy about $40 billion in aid? We could send them $500 billion and it would be cheap compared to what it would cost us if Putin wanted to dust off his intercontinental ballistic missiles and fire them at us! Or are you really so goddamn stupid that you think he wouldn’t do it?

Putin is a lunatic just like your favorite president who preys on the stupidity that afflicts your party of traitors because you can’t see your way through the Fox forrest of bullshit to even be able to distinguish enemy from friend. That’s how far gone Trump’s poison afflicted your primitive brains.

You all want to bitch about gas prices and how it’s all Joe’s fault when the truth is that it is entirely Trump’s fault for being the moron that he is. Pulling out of the Iran deal helped Putin because that meant Iran couldn’t sell its oil which drove prices up higher so Putin could sell his oil for profit.

Then Trump put sanctions on another OPEC nation Venezuela simply to appease the Latinos in south Florida who think Bernie’s socialism is the same as Maduro’s and Trump wanted to lock up Florida for himself in 2020 which didn’t turn out the way he expected of course but he did win Florida.

What we have learned about Russia’s military capabilities are a godsend to the CIA and NSA because we now know they have no semblance of military readiness at all. And we got all this delicious information without losing a soldier while inflicting tens of thousands of casualties on our sworn enemy and you all can’t stop bitching about the $40 billion when it is the greatest bargain we have had since we bought Alaska.

Your party is full of white supremacists who listen to scum like Tucker about white replacement theory and then goes out to kill a bunch of black people because you are too intellectually flaccid to push back against your abusers. That’s all Fox does incidentally. You’ve been brain dead for so long that you don’t even remember a time when you weren’t the basic as fuck hypocrites trying to out-stupid one another.

It’s embarrassing anymore. You’ve become a national disgrace demonstrating to our enemies that 40% of the country anyway is easy to manipulate as can be with the right kind of propaganda. Then you get all mad when we try to stop foreign disinformation campaigns. Why? Because you all are the dumbasses who fall for that shit over and over like a clown forever stepping on the same rake.

If you aren’t sure how completely fucked in the brain you are, name absolutely anything that any Republican office-holder is doing right now to make the lives of Americans better. Take all the time you need.

Just know that if you are offended by my use of swears, good! I want them to be offended. Please take them as they are meant. The only things worse than a Republican on the Scale of Human Garbage are rapists and child molesters. That's how low you all are anymore.

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